A presentation at Design Leadership 2019 by UX Australia in in Melbourne VIC, Australia by Elena Sanchez
Building relationships by having hard conversations and moving past conflict together Elena Sanchez Design Leadership 2019
Elena Sanchez UX Design Leader GOOGLE CERTIFIED DESIGN SPRINT MASTER
Let’s start at the beginning
I have never liked conflict I have never liked conflict @UXAustralia #DL19 @elenasanchezux
@UXAustralia #DL19 @elenasanchezux
SOMETHING HAPPENED
@UXAustralia #DL19 @elenasanchezux
Air conditioning @UXAustralia #DL19 until @elenasanchezux
Daily practice starting with low stakes situations @UXAustralia #DL19 @elenasanchezux
Using Uber 2 lessons: to practice - Surprisingly conflict positive I noticed 2 things response - @UXAustralia #DL19 Chatting before and after made it easier @elenasanchezux
Seeking opportunities to become more honest and candid with my team, colleagues and manager @UXAustralia #DL19 @elenasanchezux
HARD CONVERSATION 1 Thanks for your honesty, when you said (…) It hurt a little bit, haha! but I really appreciate you saying that to me directly. Can I give you some candid feedback in return? There were a couple of moments in the conversation where you said “you should stop doing X” or “what you should do is…” and my visceral reaction was “Wow! I don’t think you know enough to tell us what to do (…)” I assumed it I was coming from a good place, and the advise was valuable so I went past my initial/visceral reaction but the fact that is was worded as “should” triggered me (…) If that same advice was coming from someone else I would have probably lashed out or dismissed it. Hope this helps @UXAustralia #DL19 @elenasanchezux
RESPONSE TO HARD CONVERSATION 1 I know it is not within everyone’s comfort zone to bring this awkwardness up so thank you for doing so. I would like to talk through and learn from all the points and appreciate your honesty. To help me understand would you mind if we chat through some specific examples you point out. On a side note, I 100% agree with you I don’t know enough about (…). I actually wanted you to book in a session give me my team an overview. @UXAustralia #DL19 @elenasanchezux
HARD CONVERSATION 2 At the risk of sounding cheesy… I wanted to tell you that in the last few weeks or couple of months I have noticed your communications have been more inspiring, compassionate and less confrontational Especially the announcement of XXX departure, which I image would have been a difficult one, and this last week with (…) Just wanted to let you know this hasn’t been unnoticed and I feel it helps creating a better team feeling and atmosphere @UXAustralia #DL19 @elenasanchezux
RESPONSE TO HARD CONVERSATION 2 Thanks Elena. The feedback is very welcomed. It’s a pretty lonely gig so very much appreciate the feedback. Thanks so much. Don’t ever be shy if sending through some feedback constructive or positive. Thanks for your ongoing effort to the program. Your killing it @UXAustralia #DL19 @elenasanchezux
Relationships grew stronger @elenasanchezux
We are accustomed to thinking about relationships in terms of time: The longer the relationship endures, the closer it must grow. But relationships don’t proceed in steady, predictable increments. If we can create the right kind of moment, relationships can change in an instant. ― Chip Heath & Dan Heath, The power of moments #DesignLeadership2019 @elenasanchezux
Woohow!! @UXAustralia #DL19 @elenasanchezux
What the research says
Public arena Hidden areas @UXAustralia #DL19 Blind spots Unknown potential @elenasanchezux
HIGH performing teams Public arena Blind spots LOW performing teams Public arena Hidden areas Hidden areas @UXAustralia #DL19 Unknown potential Blind spots Unknown potential @elenasanchezux
Feedback Self-disclosure Hidden areas @UXAustralia #DL19 Blind spots Trust Unknown potential @elenasanchezux
Clear is Kind. Unclear is Unkind. Not getting clear with a colleague about your expectations because it feels too hard, yet holding them accountable or blaming them for not delivering is unkind. ― Brene Brown, Dare to lead @UXAustralia #DL19 @elenasanchezux
So, what’s the problem with being radically truthful and radically transparent with each other? People say it’s emotionally difficult. Critics say it’s a formula for a brutal work environment. Neuroscientists tell (…) there’s a part of our brain which views all of this as attacks. Ray Dalio, Principles @UXAustralia #DL19 @elenasanchezux
Bill’s feedback was always followed by a grin and a hug, all of which helped remove the sting. A good coach pushes you beyond your current limits but also breathes confidence into you and gives you courage. ― Eric Schmidt, Trillion Dollar Coach: The Leadership Playbook of Silicon Valley’s Bill Campbell @UXAustralia #DL19 @elenasanchezux
@UXAustralia #DL19 “It’s going to be way harder than you think to create peaks. But once you’ve done it, you’re going to consider every ounce of effort worth it. You’d have created you own defining moments” Chip & Dan Heath,The power of moments
Elena Sanchez @elenasanchezux elena.sanchez.ux@gmail.com Tack så mycket! Any questions?
Most people don’t like conflict, disagreement or giving negative feedback. As a result, we (managers or design leaders included) often try to ignore issues for as long as possible. This is because the moment you acknowledge the conflict or disagreement you need to have a difficult conversation and most of us were never trained or encouraged to have these type of conversations.
During my talk, I would argue that I don’t think you can build a strong relationship with anyone if you are not able to have difficult conversations with them.
That being said, you need to have built some trust in advance for that conversation to take place and get to a good outcome, so how do you do that? I’ll share my thoughts around what I think helps build trust, what has worked and not worked for me in the past, in this area.
for free. You
can too.