The Care and Monitoring of You

Hi there! I’m Mary Thengvall. I know you’ve heard a lot over the past 24h about how to build a community, engage with community members, monitor your community, and more, and all of those things are very, very important! But I’m going to talk to you about something that I would argue is equally as important, if not moreso: monitoring ourselves – the ones who are responsible for the health and success of the community. - I’ll talk briefly about who I am and why it’s so important for me to monitor myself - But let’s be real… it’s not all about me ;) why is it so important for all of us to monitor ourselves? - We’ll talk about steps to take in order to prevent burnout in ourselves and in those around us 1

So first! Who am I? - Director of DevRel at Camunda – NOT A DOCTOR (Janet from the good place) - Am deeply passionate about Developer Relations (publish lots of content about DevRel including a weekly newsletter & a book that released a little over a year ago) - Also deeply passionate about burnout, particularly as it relates to DevRel & community professionals. - Part of the reason why I’m so passionate about this is… - Self-burnout - See others burning out - Common issue when we are always “on” at events and also have a hard time disconnecting from forums, or don’t have the support/backup we need in order to take a break 2

The medical definitions as well as the colloquial understandings. 3

“Slowly cooked to death” is a good way to explain burnout. It’s the idea that you’re slowly adjusting to the environment around you, similar to how a frog adjusts to boiling water because it starts at room temperature. As you adjust, you accept more and more responsibilities, more micro-aggressions, more issues that are contributing to your burnout without you even realizing it until it’s too late. “Death by a thousand papercuts” is another applicable phrase – a lot of small items that add up to a far larger problem. It’s not always easy to pick out a particular detail that leads you to burnout; it’s usually a side effect of trying to do too many things at once (even if they’re all good things) or having to do too much that takes energy away from you rather than giving you energy. 4

Added to the international classification of diseases in June 2019 5

These are the five major causes of burnout, and in them I think you can start to understand why burnout tends to hit community managers and DevRel teams so hard: - When was the last time you tried to control a community’s choices, or the way that your company chose to handle the community you were put in charge of, which doubles closely with unfairness… the inability to control our surroundings but also how unfair it feels when we, the experts on our community, aren’t listened to. - Community managers are notoriously paid less than the rest of the tech industry, because there’s so much confusion about what we actually do, when in reality, most of us are part engineer, part business development, part marketer, part public relations, part support, and all focused on the customer, who quite literally keeps the lights on. - Work overload… do I need to say more? J - And, ironically, a lack of community… because we spend so much time pouring ourselves into everyone else that we so often don’t have time to build up our own communities. 6

In case you need proof that burnout is an issue with community managers… There are 13.4 MILLION results for “burnout community managers.” That‘s up from 306,000 in August 2016 when I first gave a full-length talk on burnout. That‘s a ridiculous increase (44x). And that increase might be because we‘re finally getting better about talking about it and therefore doing something about it (or at least trying to), but… Still, even if we say that only 10% of these results are relevant and accurate, that‘s still over 1.3 MILLION reuslts. I think it‘s safe to say there‘s a problem! 7

8

Here’s the first step: take care of yourself first and foremost. Airlines are constantly reminding us to put our own oxygen masks on first. This isn’t because airlines want children or people with disabilities to go without oxygen for longer… it’s because if we aren’t getting oxygen, we can’t be expected to help others. So putting our own oxygen mask on first (aka taking care of ourselves, setting aside time just for us, being selfish sometimes (hint: it’s not a bad thing!) is essential. Set it aside. Otherwise, you’re going to be short-selling your work commitments, and more importantly, lining yourself up for certain burnout. So here’s some ways to make sure we’re getting enough oxygen. 9

Step away from your laptop. It’s ok! Everyone should be able to (carefully! ;) ) throw their computer across the room/couch/desk every once in a while and simply take a break. 10

Learn to say no. easiest way to do this? Make your manager the “bad guy” – pass the buck back to them to make them decide what you should and shouldn’t be responsible for. 11

Speaking of keeping things on the calendar so you can’t skip them… Vacation. Plan for it. Plan ahead for it. Have a vacation on the calendar at all times, even if it’s just a long weekend. Give yourself something to look forward to! Which reminds me… when you’re on vacation, Be. On. Vacation. Set your slack name and username to include PTO or OOO next to them so that people know you won’t be getting back to them for a while, and then turn the notifications off on your phone. Put up your work away message (and your personal one, if necessary!) and again, turn off the notifications on your phone. Don’t bring your laptop with you unless it’s to watch movies or netflix, etc., and if that’s the case, shut down any and all work-related programs before leaving on vacation. Now some people may say “I don’t have time for vacation!” or “I’ll plan a nice big vacation when I have time”… but when will we ever have time? At a previous company, where we had unlimited vacation (which can actually be managed well and implemented for the right reasons, but that’s a whole other conversation)… My boss’s manager once told him, “look, if you don’t have the time to plan a vacation, give me your budget and any absolute “can’t fly” dates, and I’ll book it for you.” That’s a good manager! There’s a book called Overwhelmed, by Brigid Schulte, and she realizes partway through the book that planning for time when you’re going to relax actually takes time itself. 12

Here’s a quote: “I realized I kept putting it off, like I was waiting to reach some tipping point: If I could just finish picking all the weeds, chopping the invasive bamboo, cleaning up the crayons and shark teeth and math papers, buy more cat food, fix the coffeepot, complete this story assignment, pay those bills, make that phone call, send this wedding present five months late… Then I could sit down and read a book. As if leisure was something I needed to earn.” And then she says something else that I think will resonate with most of us: “Even when I seemed to have some free time, it was often for such a short period that I was at a loss for what to do with it. So I just went on to the next item on the to do list.” We need to put down the to do list, and plan for vacation. Even if that means spending a little bit of extra money to pay someone else to take care of planning it. Or taking a staycation when you’d rather go somewhere exotic. Or just taking a day off to lay around home and be leisurely. But plan for that time, or else it simply won’t happen. 12

Next… When you’re sick… BE. SICK! I’ll be honest… I’d bad at this one! But seriously… take advantage of sick days / vacation time / whatever your call it at your company. Use it. And stay offline. Don’t simply work from home! You’ll be amazed at how much more quickly you heal. 13

Along those same lines… when you’re needing mental care, get it. Mentall illness, depression, anxiety… All of these things are NORMAL, and important, and a medical condition just like a broken hand or an infection. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. Get help! Start by taking a look at your company insurance policy. Many insurance policies allow for a small number of psychologist or psychiatrist visits at no charge. No charge! What do you have to lose? A former colleague of mine told me once that he went to a different psychologist every year for the designated 4 free visits that were allowed under our insurance company, if for no other reason than to have someone to yell at, cry with, and word-vomit over who wouldn’t care what he said or tell anyone that he sounded crazy – frankly, they were getting paid to listen to him! It allowed him to sort some things out in his head, keep tabs on how he was handling situations on a day-to-day basis, and get feedback from a neutral 3rd party. 14

Find your own communities, and do what you can to invest in that community! I know it’s difficult when you’re on the road as often as most of us are, but Meetup has more than just tech talks… ;) It can be used for hobbies that you’re interested in, and to connect with people in your city outside of tech. 15

16

Schedule bi-monthly 1:1s These meetings shouldn’t be a time to check the status of day-to-day work or current projects. Rather, they should be a check-in about how your employee is feeling about their work. - Is there too much on their plate? Are they in over their heads with their current tasks? - Are there things they’d like to be working on to further their careers? - What projects would they like to be involved in going forward? - How do they feel about the team structure? The company? Asking these questions on a regular basis can make sure that nothing catches you off guard, and can also help your employee know that they can express their feelings without repercussions, which leads to a more honest and open relationship. 17

When mistakes happen (and they will) have blameless postmortems. This is a whole other topic that could be another hour-long session (or more) but there’s a lot of research done around it. One of the best books right now in my opinion is called “Accelerate – by Nicole Forsgren, with Jez Humble & Gene Kim. Even when you aren’t in crisis mode, have retrospectives. - What’s going well? - What’s not going well? - What could we be doing better? Again, these meetings, like the 1:1s, aren’t to evaluate your employee’s performance, but to keep a pulse on what’s actually happening in the day-to-day that you, as a manger, might not be aware of, so that you can help to prevent burnout, additional stress, or problems that might pop up down the road. Having an open line of communciation is a great way to prevent problems from building up along the way. 18

Encourage time off. At a previous job, I had a manager who would keep track of how often each of us took time off. Not in a micro-managing way, but simply to make sure that we were regularly taking time away from work, for our own health as well as the health of the team. If he noticed that we hadn’t taken any days off (personal or vacation) that month, he’d ask us to take one day off the following week, and encourage us to plan a vacation for the following month. He knew that quite simply if we took time off to refresh ourselves, we’d be better at our jobs. This helped me not only get used to taking time off (because, let’s face it… there’s some fear and insecurity around being seen as the person who is always taking time off) but also assured me that my manager WANTED me to take time off, and saw it as an essential part of my work for the company. He understood that if I didn’t take time off occasionally, I wasn’t going to be at my best. 19

Lastly, you are the umbrella for your team. It’s up to you to protect them from stressors and keep them informed about the company-wide ihitiaives, but it’s also up to you to make sure they don’t have too much on their plate from other teams. At small companies and start-ups especially, it’s fairly common for people to bypass the manager and just go straight to the employee – “hey Lisa, can you help me with this project or train me on this part of the job, or fill in for me and complete this work?” again – that’s where the 1:1s come in handy… you can keep an eye on what’s being passed down to your team and help them push back and say no. 20

I’m going to close with this quote from an article in Community Round Table, called “The Dark Side of Community Management,” Passion (our jobs, our open source projects) is what drives you and gives your life meaning. Obsession is what happens when you’re fixated on something, forsaking all the rest. Understand the difference between passion and obsession to change your thoughts and actions. Find balance by cultivating other interests offline. So today, let’s be awesome. Let’s be incredible. Let’s be passionate… but let’s be balanced. 21

When you need help, ask. There are resources!! You can find these slides on https://noti.st/marythengvall 22