The Care and Monitoring of You

Hi there! I’m Mary Thengvall, and this is Ember. I know you hear about how to build on improve, and monitor your company – the website, the security, the uptime, the customers — on a regular basis, and all of those things are very, very important! But I’m going to talk to you about something that I would argue is equally as important, if not moreso: monitoring ourselves – the ones who are responsible for the security and uptime of your services. - I’ll talk briefly about who I am and why it’s so important for me to monitor myself - But let’s be real… it’s not all about me ;) why is it so important for all of us to monitor ourselves? - We’ll talk about steps to take in order to prevent burnout in ourselves and in those around us Let’s do a quick count of the room so I know who you all are – - Let’s start with managers – if you’re a people manager, raise your hand - Ok… engineers, ops folks, developers? Responsible to keep things up and running… - Marketing, Sales, Support? - Security - HR / Culture / Internal Company workings Awesome – thanks! Let’s jump right in. 1

So first! Who am I? 2

Community manager and builder, both by trade and by nature 3

I like to say I’m a journalist turned community advocate, who is using my featurewriting and storytelling abilities to show the business value of building developer communities. I’ve worked with various developer communities for more than 10 years now at companies like O’Reilly, Chef Software, and SparkPost, and I love figuring out what makes each of them “tick” as well as how to find the best solutions for the problems they’re facing. 4

These days, I’m running my own business, Persea Consulting — providing resources and education about Developer Relations and Community Management both for those who are practicing in those areas as well as the business decision makers who are trying to figure out what in the world those terms mean. In doing so, I’ve co-founded the podcast “Community Pulse”… One year ago I launched DevRel Weekly — a curated newsletter full of the most recent articles, studies, events, and opinions around Developer Relations… and my book on the business value of Developer Relations came out in October of last year. In other words… I do a lot and have a lot of side projects and am very involved in a lot of things… And I love every second of it! But I’m also very aware of the need to take care of myself in addition to all of my side projects 5

I live in San Francisco. I used to refer to my apartment as an expensive storage unit due to how often I was on the road, but I’m lucky enough to actually be in town and enjoy it these days. This picture is of Ember and I at the top of Tank Hill in San Francisco, and as you can see… I’m definitely not someone who looks like they “need” a service dog… but in reality, I’m a Type 1 Diabetic, and similar to mental illnesses, diabetes is what we call an “invisible illness” – you can’t see it, usually aren’t aware when someone else has it, and while it doesn’t impact others around you too often, it has a drastic impact on your own day-to-day life. For you to understand just how much it’s changed my life, you need to understand what type one diabetes is (and isn’t): - 29 million Americans have some form of diabetes (pre, T1D, T2D, gestational), but only 5% of these are T1D, so, for obvious reasons, the majority of the research, knowledge base, etc. is geared toward T2. - this leads to misconceptions and a general lack of knowledge around T1D… like this one. 6

For you to understand just how much it’s changed my life, you need to understand what type one diabetes is (and isn’t): - 29 million Americans have some form of diabetes (pre, T1D, T2D, gestational), but only 5% of these are T1D, so, for obvious reasons, the majority of the research, knowledge base, etc. is geared toward T2. - this leads to misconceptions and a general lack of knowledge around T1D - It is NOT: — caused by excessive weight or not taking care of yourself — caused by your parents feeding you too many sugary things as a kid — preventable - It IS: — an auto-immune disease, where your body essentially attacks itself and kills off your pancreas — chronic (aka while it’s treatable, it does not have a cure) 7

The picture on the left gives you an idea of what this treatment looks like. It’s lancets and finger pricks and insulin pumps (or shots for some people), continuous glucose monitoring systems, emergency supplies for hypoglycemia, and in my case, a dog who alerts me when my blood sugar is heading toward low and I need to take a break. The picture on the right shows the devices that I wear: an insulin pump that delivers a certain amount of insulin per hour and more when I eat, and a continuous glucose monitoring system that tracks my blood sugar out on a graph so I can track patterns. So… while invisible to most people, like I mentioned earlier, it has a huge impact on the people who are living with it on a daily basis. 8

So yes, diabetes sucks, and involves a lot of number counting, and a lot of thinking, and a lot of precaution. BUT as you can see, that doesn’t stop me from doing what I love doing. 9

Part of the flexibility that I have comes from my own stubbornness and refusing to let things stand in my way, but part of it also comes from this little guy. 10

About 10 years ago, I got Ember as a pet. A few years after I got him, he started waking me up in the middle of the night, and I eventually figured out that every time he did, my blood sugar dropped soon after. He was monitoring me – picking up on chemical changes that he could smell, and alerting me when something was wrong. Long story short, now he travels with me everywhere, serving as both a medical alert dog, and (bonus!) an easy way to be found at conferences. 11

Great… but how does this affect you (other than dog cuteness and getting to cuddle with Ember occasionally)? 12

Let’s pivot for a moment with a few more numbers: - 7% of the population admit that they struggle with some sort of mental disability or illness – invisible illnesses that often are misunderstood and aren’t acknowledged by others in society. 13

• Diabetics are 3x more likely to struggle with depression due to the mental and emotional toll from dealing with a chronic disease, which means it’s something that I need to be conscious and aware of in my own life. 14

• But the truly staggering number is that 49% up there – that’s the percentage of people in tech (particularly managers/leaders/founders) who struggle with depression, and something closely related, which you all might be familiar with… burnout These numbers are astoundingly high, and this is not ok. 15

Alright… so you’re not a manager/founder/leader in your company. But all of us here do work in or adjacent to the technology industry. So I did a quick Google search for “burnout in tech.” Can anyone see what the number there is at the top of the screen for the number of results found? 16

19 MILLION results for “burnout in tech culture.” Even if we say that only 10% of these are relevant and accurate that’s still almost 2 Million results. I have to say… When I started talking about burnout back in 2015, I did this same Google search and there were 1 million results. That means that this has been growing exponentially, either because we’re talking about it more (yay!!) or because it’s becoming an even bigger problem than we originally thought. Either way, I think it’s safe to say there’s a problem. 17

Now… For those of you who are giving me this look right now… I don’t want to be a downer. I don’t want to predict that all of us in this room will go through burnout even struggle with it — that’s the last thing I want for anyone! But I am saying that there’s a problem in our industry, and we need to fix it, and it needs to start with us. But how do we do that? Now, I’m not a doctor, so please don’t use this information in lieu of going to see a professional who can help figure out whether medication is necessary and if it’s “simply” burnout or something more severe, etc. But… I have experience in this area. I burned out hard 4 years ago and have been trying to figure out how to not burn out again since then (remember that slide with everything I’m involved in? it’s a work in progress ;) ) I think the first thing we have to figure out is what causes burnout in the first place. 18

There are two books I’ll be referencing today, and they’re both fantastic resources. I encourage you to pick them up when you have a chance. Overwhelmed covers time management, and offers fascinating observations about our culture as well as cultures around the world, workplace environments, etc. “The Truth About Burnout” gives some basic causes of burnout, and they resonate pretty well with everything I’ve both heard and felt. I’m going to cover a handful of them today, and I’d encourage you to pick up a copy of the book if you’re interested in learning more. 19

The first cause for burnout is a lack of control. I think this gif explains it pretty well… we start out excited, passionate, and excited about this new hobby. We try to conquer it. We try again. And again. And again. But unless we have the right mentors, the right job, the right company. we wind up simply hiding, waiting for the pieces to fall, and possibly pursuing a different job at a new company, which (turns out) doesn’t actually help burnout. 20

One of the easiest covers for burnout is switching jobs (whether at the same company or a different company), a symptom I know all too well. It gives us new challenges, fresh insights, “new relationship energy” if you will, but before too long, the same problems raise their head and you’re right back where you started. 21

The 2nd and 3rd causes are unfairness and insufficient reward. I’m sure you all know someone (or maybe it’s you!) who’s the go-to person for everyone’s questions. They’re always picking up code reviews, giving someone advice, helping a new employee learn the ropes. And that’s all great! But what happens when that starts to feel unfair or unbalanced? What happens when you have too many tasks in your todo list and the reward just isn’t worth it anymore? There have been articles in Forbes, Entreprenauer, Applied Social Psychology, Harvard Business Review, and more, that state that past a certain point, money is not a motivator. It only gets us so far, but after that, we need more of a reward than a monitary incentive to actually feel good about the work that we’re doing and what we’re accomplishing. 22

Reason #4: I bet none of you can guess this one! Wait for it… Work overload! 23

(2nd slide) In a conversation with a close friend a few years ago, I said this: It’s the constant “overwhelmed-ness” factor… the overflowing inbox, the never being in my SF home long enough to actually clean and get things organized the way I want them to be. The to do list that’s 5 pages long and only ever seems to grow… not shrink, and the burden of feeling like i’m the only one who can do all of those things. And the guilt that comes wtih all of the above. Kanban boards and backlogs can help with this, but what about when the backlogs are overflowing and the teams are too lean to actually work as a lean team? 24

Reason #5: lack of community When we spend so much time investing in work, in code, in learning new skills, we sometimes fail to invest in our personal lives, and we start to drift away from the circle of people closest to us. As my friend Jason says, community is those people who come looking for you when you don’t show up. Find those people in your life. 25

Ok so by this point, you’re either looking at me like this… saying ok, what now? 26

Or like this… realizing that you’re either on the road to burnout or have been there for quite some time. Btw, sorry for those who have come to that realization! But now that we’ve recognized what causes burnout, how do we prevent it? And what can we do if we’re already there? Let me tell you… there is hope! 27

Here’s the first step: take care of yourself first and foremost. Airlines are constantly reminding us to put our own oxygen masks on first. This isn’t because airlines want children or people with disabilities to go without oxygen for longer… it’s because if we aren’t getting oxygen, we can’t be expected to help others. So putting our own oxygen mask on first (aka taking care of ourselves, setting aside time just for us, being selfish sometimes (hint: it’s not a bad thing!) is essential. Set it aside. Otherwise, you’re going to be short-selling your work commitments, and more importantly, lining yourself up for certain burnout. So here’s some ways to make sure we’re getting enough oxygen. 28

Step away from your laptop. It’s ok! Everyone should be able to (carefully! ;) ) throw their computer across the room/couch/desk every once in a while and simply take a break. 29

(2nd slide) It’s hard. I get it! Part of the fun of being in tech is being able to solve problems for people, but when we find ourselves working longer and longer hours in order to meet unrealistic deadlines, or review just one more pull request, or answer just one more question, there’s a problem. I have a friend who has a sign on her monitor that reads: “Is the world on fire? If no, stop. If yes, call a firefighter.” there are two important principles here. A) we are not expected to be online 24/7. we’re simply not. And if that IS the expectation, you need to sit down and have a serious conversation with your manager. This should not be the case. No exceptions. It doesn’t matter how small or large your team is. It doesn’t matter what your role is. It doesn’t matter if you’re the only experienced person on the team. Yes, there will be times when you need to work overtime or odd hours or stay up late fixing a particular problem. But this should not be the norm, and if it is, talk to your manager. If it doesn’t change, hit me up afterward – I know plenty of people who are hiring ;) B) there are other people who will step up and take responsibility for getting things done when you can’t! we’re not responsible to fix everyone’s problems, no matter how much it feels like it. In past lives at various companies, I have actively made sure that I do not have access to the support ticketing system, because, 30

Next up: Learn to say no. easiest way to do this? 31

(2nd slide) Get your manager’s buy-in that you have to run things past them before you commit to projects outside of your department. Make them the bad guy. It’s what they’re there for! It’s their job to protect you – you’re a precious asset to them. Also be ok with saying no to your personal life. Occasionally you need to take time off to focus on you. 32

Speaking of personal time… Use your calendar. No really, use it. Two ways: - Timebox things, including personal time to recharge. - — When you’ve got big projects, block out times on the calendar to make progress. Interrupt-driven work is a bad, bad thing, and can drive you downhill backwards on your way to burnout. - — let your team know you’re going to be offline, or on do not disturb, etc. for a little while, and unless something’s actively on fire and only you can put it out, you aren’t to be disturbed. chances are, everything will be just fine… and even if it’s not, they can likely handle it, remember? 33

Speaking of keeping things on the calendar so you can’t skip them… Vacation. Plan for it. Plan ahead for it. Have a vacation on the calendar at all times, even if it’s just a long weekend. Give yourself something to look forward to! Which reminds me… when you’re on vacation, Be. On. Vacation. Set your slack name and username to include PTO or OOO next to them so that people know you won’t be getting back to them for a while, and then turn the notifications off on your phone. Put up your work away message (and your personal one, if necessary!) and again, turn off the notifications on your phone. Don’t bring your laptop with you unless it’s to watch movies or netflix, etc., and if that’s the case, shut down any and all work-related programs before leaving on vacation. Now some people may say “I don’t have time for vacation!” or “I’ll plan a nice big vacation when I have time”… but when will we ever have time? At a previous company, where we had unlimited vacation (which can actually be managed well and implemented for the right reasons, but that’s a whole other conversation)… My boss’s manager once told him, “look, if you don’t have the time to plan a vacation, give me your budget and any absolute “can’t fly” dates, and I’ll book it for you.” That’s a good manager! Referring back to Overwhelmed, which I mentioned earlier… One of the things that the author realized is that planning for leisure time takes effort! Here’s a quote: 34

Next… When you’re sick… BE. SICK! I’ll be honest… I’d bad at this one! But seriously… take advantage of sick days / vacation time / whatever your call it at your company. Use it. And stay offline. Don’t simply work from home! You’ll be amazed at how much more quickly you heal. 35

Along those same lines… when you’re needing mental care, get it. Mentall illness, depression, anxiety… All of these things are NORMAL, and important, and a medical condition just like a broken hand or an infection. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. Get help! Start by taking a look at your company insurance policy. Many insurance policies allow for a small number of psychologist or psychiatrist visits at no charge. No charge! What do you have to lose? A former colleague of mine told me once that he went to a different psychologist every year for the designated 4 free visits that were allowed under our insurance company, if for no other reason than to have someone to yell at, cry with, and word-vomit over who wouldn’t care what he said or tell anyone that he sounded crazy – frankly, they were getting paid to listen to him! It allowed him to sort some things out in his head, keep tabs on how he was handling situations on a day-to-day basis, and get feedback from a neutral 3rd party. 36

Find your own communities, and do what you can to invest in that community! Believe it or not, but Meetup has more than just tech talks… ;) It can be used for hobbies that you’re interested in, and to connect with people in your city outside of tech. 37

Also, find places that connect with you. Where you can be at peace. Where you can be still. Where your brain can unwind and you don’t have to think too hard about anything. The places that allow you to take a break. For me? When I’m home, that’s the ocean. When I’m on the road, it’s a park or a forest. Find those places both at home and on the road so that you know where to go when you need a few moments of peace. 38

For those of you who are managers… you have an additional responsibility. You aren’t only responsible for yourself – you’re responsible for the well-being of your team as well. Now don’t get me wrong – ultimately, it’s up to each of those people to take care of themselves and know their boundaries and what they can handle. BUT. You’re the umbrella. You’re the barrier. You’re the one who can make sure that they aren’t getting to a point with their work that they’re teetering on burnout. 39

Schedule bi-monthly 1:1s These meetings shouldn’t be a time to check the status of day-to-day work or current projects. Rather, they should be a check-in about how your employee is feeling about their work. - Is there too much on their plate? Are they in over their heads with their current tasks? - Are there things they’d like to be working on to further their careers? - What projects would they like to be involved in going forward? - How do they feel about the team structure? The company? Asking these questions on a regular basis can make sure that nothing catches you off guard, and can also help your employee know that they can express their feelings without repercussions, which leads to a more honest and open relationship. 40

When mistakes happen (and they will) have blameless postmortems. This is a whole other topic that could be another hour-long session (or more) but there’s a lot of research done around it. One of the best books right now in my opinion is called “Accelerate – by Nicole Forsgren, with Jez Humble & Gene Kim. Even when you aren’t in crisis mode, have retrospectives. - What’s going well? - What’s not going well? - What could we be doing better? Again, these meetings, like the 1:1s, aren’t to evaluate your employee’s performance, but to keep a pulse on what’s actually happening in the day-to-day that you, as a manger, might not be aware of, so that you can help to prevent burnout, additional stress, or problems that might pop up down the road. Having an open line of communication is a great way to prevent problems from building up along the way. 41

Encourage time off. At a previous job, I had a manager who would keep track of how often each of us took time off. Not in a micro-managing way, but simply to make sure that we were regularly taking time away from work, for our own health as well as the health of the team. If he noticed that we hadn’t taken any days off (personal or vacation) that month, he’d ask us to take one day off the following week, and encourage us to plan a vacation for the following month. He knew that quite simply if we took time off to refresh ourselves, we’d be better at our jobs. This helped me not only get used to taking time off (because, let’s face it… there’s some fear and insecurity around being seen as the person who is always taking time off) but also assured me that my manager WANTED me to take time off, and saw it as an essential part of my work for the company. He understood that if I didn’t take time off occasionally, I wasn’t going to be at my best. 42

This last tip applies to both managers and individual contributors, but for managers in particular, I’d encourage you all to take 4 hours every two weeks out of our normal workday – yes, your normal workday! — to take a step back, see the forest as well as the trees, and decompress. 43

Don’t believe me? I don’t blame you! But lemme ‘splain. 44

First of all, keep in mind that I’m one of you. I’ve been a manager and I now run my own business, so I fully understand how busy you all are, and how hard it is to get everything done every week. But one of my colleagues, J Paul Reed, came to me a while back with this idea of a 4 Hour Decompress – a time to reflect, evaluate, and recenter our goals and ideas before tackling another work week. And here’s the thing… it’s only 4 hours every two weeks. 4 hours out of 80. 4 hours that will make you stronger, more effective, more efficient, and more motivated to do your work on a regular basis. It can also lead to great ideas of how to lead and grow your team, your career, your own projects, as you take the time to step back and see the forest as well as the trees. 45

So here’s what it involves: - Find a place where you can relax, get comfortable, spread out, and dig in. Whether that’s a coffee shop, the library, a hiking trail, the pool, etc. Find that spot - During the first hour, delierately disconnect from your normal day-to-day work. If you need to wrap up a few things before you can completely disconnect, cool, go ahead and do those. If you need to spread out your equipment, cool. Whatever you need to do in order to disconnect. I usually wrap up a few things and then go for a run or a nice walk with Ember to get my brain off of work things. - During the 2nd and 3rd hours, find something that is constructive and helpful, but allows you to stay disconnected from your everyday work. For me, this usually means digging into the latest business/work-related book I’ve picked up, or whiteboarding the latest topic I’ve been looking into - As you wind down from the above activities, the last hour brings it all back together. I usually journal a little bit about what I read or learned, how I’m feeling about work, or my burnout status; make a list of things I want to tackle when I’m back in the office; and then wind back down and start packing up. This disconnect from the rat race allows you to take a step back, get a better perspective on the projects you’re working on, perhaps even find a better solution to a problem you’ve been facing with your team. And if it’s difficult to convince your boss, talk to them about turning in some sort of summary or having a sync with them 46

Lastly – as I mentioned in my first point about managers, you are the umbrella for your team. It’s up to you to protect them from stressors and keep them informed about the company-wide initiatives, but it’s also up to you to make sure they don’t have too much on their plate from other teams. At small companies and start-ups especially, it’s fairly common for people to bypass the manager and just go straight to the employee – “hey Lisa, can you help me with this project or train me on this part of the job, or fill in for me and complete this work?” again – that’s where the 1:1s come in handy… you can keep an eye on what’s being passed down to your team and help them push back and say no. 47

So who am I to be saying all of these things? Like I said, I’m not a doctor. I’m not a medical professional. I haven’t studied psychology or psychiatry or any other sort of – ology or –iatry. But I do know what I’m talking about to a certain extent. As I mentioned earlier, about 4 years ago I burned out really hard, and I’ve been in a borderline state of burnout several times since then. I’m better now. Not 100%, but better. Part of the reason it took me as long as it did to recover was because I didn’t do those things. I didn’t have a manager who was doing these things. I didn’t take care of myself. I didn’t reach out to my community. I was scared about the repercussions and I was terrified of the perception, but that only served to hurt me more. 48

These days, I’m lucky enough to have a community, both personal and professional, who I know will look out for me and check in on me. And I say “lucky enough”, but it didn’t come from luck… it came from working hard at it. And I have to continually work hard at it! But it’s worth it. 49

Take a moment and look around you. Everyone in this room understands the situation you’re in. Everyone understands just how pressing and stressful our jobs can be. Everyone understands what it’s like to need time to yourself, and need a community to rally around you. This is your community. These are your people, whether you know them yet or not. Draw close to these people and learn to rely on them when you feel like no one understands what you’re going through. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, or admit that you aren’t ok, or depend on others to keep you going for a while. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. 50

Take a moment and look around you. Everyone in this room understands the situation you’re in. Everyone understands just how pressing and stressful our jobs can be. Everyone understands what it’s like to need time to yourself, and need a community to rally around you. This is your community. These are your people, whether you know them yet or not. Draw close to these people and learn to rely on them when you feel like no one understands what you’re going through. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, or admit that you aren’t ok, or depend on others to keep you going for a while. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. 51

Take a moment and look around you. Everyone in this room understands the situation you’re in. Everyone understands just how pressing and stressful our jobs can be. Everyone understands what it’s like to need time to yourself, and need a community to rally around you. This is your community. These are your people, whether you know them yet or not. Draw close to these people and learn to rely on them when you feel like no one understands what you’re going through. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, or admit that you aren’t ok, or depend on others to keep you going for a while. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. 52

I love this slide, because I can’t count the number of times I’ve received virtual hugs when I’ve needed them most. Even though we don’t all live near each other, we’ve got each other online. You’ve got people at your fingertips at almost any time of the day who would be more than happy to talk you through things and empathize with where you’re at. Don’t underestimate the value of this! 53

Lastly, don’t underestimate the value of YOU. We are valuable. We are important. We are influential. And we are worth taking care of. Quoting one more time from Overwhelmed, Brigit finds herself talking to Danish women, who seemingly have all the time in the world for leisure, and feel no guilt about it, but also manage to get things done in a timely fashion. The woman that she’s speaking with says, “Having leisure time for myself isn’t something we even have to discuss. It’s just natural.” Bridgit replies, “And you don’t feel guilty? Selfish? That you’re neglecting your children? Worried about the to-do list?” The women give me a blank look. “I think Danish women,” Soren finally says, “perhaps know their worth.” <pause> We need to know our worth. We are worth taking care of. 54

So I’ve talked through who I am and why I’m here today – my journey with diabetes and Ember, as well as my struggle with burnout. 55

We’ve talked about you – some of the numbers around depression and burnout in people in tech, as well as some of the specifics of what causes burnout. 56

And we’ve talked about what to do about burnout… both how to prevent it and how to slowly recover from it. And it is a slow recovery! I’m probably at 70% these days, and that means some days are awesomely productive, every once in a while, one is horriflcly bad, and most days, they’re somewhere in the middle. But most importantly, I know that it’s real. I know that I don’t need to be ashamed of it. And I know I have a community to help me. 57

I’m going to close with this quote from an article from the Community Round Table, called “The Dark Side of Community Management,” which I believe also applies here. Passion (our jobs, our open source projects) is what drives you and gives your life meaning. Obsession is what happens when you’re fixated on something, forsaking all the rest. Understand the difference between passion and obsession to change your thoughts and actions. Find balance by cultivating other interests offline. So today, let’s be awesome. Let’s be incredible. Let’s be passionate… but let’s be balanced. 58

When you need help, ask. There are resources! - list resources - burnout.org, etc. list that I have in evernote 59