A presentation at Southeast Ruby Conference in in Nashville, TN, USA by Mary Thengvall
Hi there! I’m Mary Thengvall, and this is Ember. I know a lot of people have been up here today talking about how to build, improve, and monitor your website or code or skills, and all of those things are very, very important! But I’m going to talk to you about something that I would argue is equally as important, if not moreso: monitoring ourselves – the ones who are responsible for those services and companies. - Who I am and why it’s so important for me to monitor myself - Let’s be real… it’s not all about me ;) why is it so important for all of us to monitor ourselves? - Lastly, we’ll talk about how to take care of ourselves in order to prevent burnout 1
So first! Who am I? 2
Community manager and builder, both by trade and by nature 3
Lead the Developer Relations team at SparkPost – an email delivery and analytics platform for developers. 4
In my copious spare time… I’m a cohost of Community Pulse – a monthly podcast about all the things we as community professionals care about, from analytics and ROI to how to maintain our personal lives. 5
I also help manage the Evangelist Collective – a Slack community for community professionals. 6
I’m also in the process of writing a book about the business value of developer relations that should be (fingers crossed) out in early 2018. Wish me luck. In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m really passionate about providing resources for DevRel. But that’s a different talk entirely… 7
I live in San Francisco. I used to refer to my apartment as an expensive storage unit due to how often I was on the road, but I’m lucky enough to actually be in town and enjoy it these days. This picture is of Ember and I at the top of Tank Hill in San Francisco, and as you can see… I’m definitely not someone who looks like they “need” a service dog… 8
Which is good, considering my service dog doesn’t look like a service dog! ;) But I am in fact someone who benefits from having a medical alert service dog. So let me explain a bit of my background, and how Ember became a service dog for me. 9
This is a picture of me at 3yo… with my awesome striped kitty dress and pigtails tied with yarn… and my newly aquired medic-alert bracelet on my left wrist. I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes when I was 2 and ½ years old, and it’s funny how much this single fact defines the timeline of my life. Though I don’t remember a lot about my time “BD” (before diabetes), there’s no doubt my life would have been drastically different without it. 10
For you to understand just how much it’s changed my life, you need to understand what type one diabetes is (and isn’t): - 29 million Americans have some form of diabetes (pre, T1D, T2D, gestational), but only 5% of these are T1D, so, for obvious reasons, the majority of the research, knowledge base, etc. is geared toward T2. - this leads to misconceptions and a general lack of knowledge around T1D - It is NOT: — caused by excessive weight or not taking care of yourself — caused by your parents feeding you too many sugary things as a kid (despite what my college hall-mate believed) — preventable - It IS: — an auto-immune disease, where your body essentially attacks itself and kills off your pancreas — chronic (aka while it’s treatable, it does not have a cure) 11
The picture on the left gives you an idea of what this treatment looks like. It’s lancets and finger pricks and insulin pumps (or shots for some people), continuous glucose monitoring systems, emergency supplies for hypoglycemia, and in my case, a dog who alerts me when my blood sugar is heading toward low and I need to take a break. The picture on the right shows the devices that I wear: an insulin pump that delivers a certain amount of insulin per hour and more when I eat, and a continuous glucose monitoring system that tracks my blood sugar out on a graph so I can track patterns. 12
In its most basic terms, this all means that I’ve probably pricked my finger over 60,000 times to record the amount of sugar in my blood stream. 13
I had done ~8,000 shots of insulin prior to getting my insulin pump, 14
and since then, I’ve inserted ~1500 new insulin pump sites. That’s not to speak of the number of carbohydrates I’ve counted over the years, or how I’ve learned my 15, 13, or 17 times-tables to calculate insulin dosages. 15
So yes, diabetes sucks, and involves a lot of number counting, and a lot of thinking, and a lot of precaution. BUT as you can see, that doesn’t stop me from doing what I want to do. It also doesn’t stop me from being independent and stubborn. (some of you who are here today can testify to that ;) ) and I was always determined to do everything on my own, but then this little guy came along… 16
About 8 years ago, I got Ember as a pet. A few years after I got him, he started waking me up in the middle of the night, and I eventually figured out that every time he did, my blood sugar dropped soon after. He was monitoring me – picking up on chemical changes that he could smell, and alerting me when something was wrong. 17
Long story short, now he travels with me everywhere, serving as both a medical alert dog, and (bonus!) an easy way to be found at conferences. 18
Great… but how does this affect you (other than getting to enjoy doggie cuteness at conferences)? 19
Let’s pivot for a moment with a few more numbers: - 7% of the population in the US admit that they struggle with some sort of mental disability or illness (including depression) 20
Alright… so you’re not a manager/founder/leader in your company. But all of us here do work in tech. So I did a quick Google search for “burnout in tech culture.” Can anyone see what the number there is at the top of the screen for the number of results found? 23
2 MILLION results for “burnout in tech culture.” Even if we say that only 10% of these are relevant and accurate that’s still over 200 THOUSAND results. I think it’s safe to say there’s a problem. 24
Now… For those of you who are giving me this look right now… I don’t want to be a downer. I don’t want to predict that all of us in this room will go through burnout or depression or struggle with these things — that’s the last thing I want for anyone! But I am saying that there’s a problem in our industry, and we need to fix it, and it needs to start with us. But how do we do that? I think the first thing we have to figure out is what causes burnout in the first place. 25
There are two books I’ll be referencing today, and they’re both fantastic resources. I encourage you to pick them up when you have a chance. Overwhelmed covers time management, fascinating observations about our culture as well as cultures around the world, workplace environments, etc. “The Truth About Burnout” gives some basic causes of burnout, and they resonate pretty well with everything I’ve both heard and felt. I’m not going to cover all of them today, but I’d encourage you to pick up a copy of the book if you’re interested. 26
But unless we have the right mentors, the right job, the right company. we wind up simply hiding, waiting for the pieces to fall, and possibly pursuing a different hobby, which (turns out) doesn’t actually help burnout. 27
One of the easiest covers for burnout is switching jobs (whether at the same company or a different company), a symptom I know all too well. It gives us new challenges, fresh insights, “new relationship energy” if you will, but it doesn’t actually solve the problem. It simply masks it and makes things manageable for a short while longer. 28
The 2nd and 3rd causes are unfairness and insufficient reward. I’m sure you all know someone (or maybe it’s you!) who’s the go-to person for everyone’s questions. They’re always picking up code reviews, giving someone advice, helping a new employee learn the ropes. And that’s all great! But what happens when that starts to feel unfair or unbalanced? What happens when the reward just isn’t worth it anymore? There have been articles in Forbes, Entreprenauer, Applied Social Psychology, Harvard Business Review, and more, that state that past a certain point, money is not a motivator. It only gets us so far, but after that, we need more of a reward than a monitary incentive to actually feel good about the work that we’re doing and what we’re accomplishing. 29
Reason #4: I bet none of you can guess this one! Wait for it… Work overload! 30
(2nd slide) In a conversation with a close friend while in the middle of burnout, I said this: It’s the constant “overwhelmed-ness” factor… the overflowing inbox, the never being in my SF home long enough to actually clean and get things organized the way I want them to be. The to do list that’s 5 pages long and only ever seems to grow… not shrink, and the burden of feeling like i’m the only one who can do all of those things. The always being “on” at events (which isn’t fake, and I love it! But it’s draining.) the physical exhaustion from not getting enough sleep consistently, and from my blood sugars not being as under control as I would like. And the guilt that comes wtih all of the above. Kanban boards and backlogs can help with this, but what about when the backlogs are overflowing and the teams are too lean to actually work as a lean team? 31
Reason #5: lack of community When we spend so much time investing in work, in code, in learning new skills, we sometimes fail to invest in our personal lives, and we start to drift away from the circle of people closest to us. As my friend Jason says, community is those people who come looking for you when you don’t show up. Find those people in your life. 32
Ok so by this point, you’re either looking at me like this… saying ok, what now? 33
Or like this… realizing that you’re either on the road to burnout or have been there for quite some time. Btw, sorry for those who have come to that realization — Hugs available afterward!! But now that we’ve recognized what causes burnout, how do we prevent it? And what can we do if we’re already there? Let me tell you… there is hope! 34
Here’s the first step: take care of yourself first and foremost. If you don’t hear anything else I say today, take this to heart. Airlines are constantly reminding us to put our own oxygen masks on first. This isn’t because airlines want children or people with disabilities to go without oxygen for longer… it’s because if we aren’t getting oxygen, we can’t be expected to help others. So putting our own oxygen mask on first (aka taking care of ourselves, setting aside time just for us, being selfish sometimes (hint: it’s not a bad thing!)) is essential. Set it aside. Otherwise, you’re going to be short-selling your work commitments, and more importantly, lining yourself up for certain burnout. So here’s some ways to make sure we’re getting enough oxygen. 35
Step away from your laptop. It’s ok! Everyone should be able to (carefully! ;) ) throw their computer across the room/couch/desk every once in a while and simply take a break. 36
(2nd slide) It’s hard. I get it! Part of the fun of being a developer is being able to solve problems for people, but when we find ourselves working longer and longer hours in order to meet unrealistic deadlines, or review just one more pull request, or figure out just one more bug, there’s a problem. I have a friend who has a sign on his monitor that reads: “Is the world on fire? If no, stop. If yes, call a firefighter.” there are two important principles here. A) we are not expected to be online 24/7. we’re simply not. And if that IS the expectation, you need to sit down and have a serious conversation with your manager. This should not be the case. No exceptions. It doesn’t matter how small or large your team is. It doesn’t matter what your role is. It doesn’t matter if you’re the only experienced person on the team. Yes, there will be times when you need to work overtime or odd hours or stay up late fixing a particular problem. But this should not be the norm, and if it is, talk to your manager. If it doesn’t change, I’m sure you can find people here today who are hiring ;) B) there are other people who will step up and take responsibility for getting things done when you can’t! we’re not responsible to fix everyone’s problems, no matter how much it feels like it. I actively make sure that I do not have access to our support ticketing system, because, guess what? We have a whole team of 37
Learn to say no. easiest way to do this? 38
Get your manager’s buy-in that you have to run things past them before you commit to projects outside of your department. Make them the bad guy. It’s what they’re there for! It’s their job to protect you – you’re a precious asset to them. Also be ok with saying no to your personal life. Occasionally you need to take time off to focus on you. 39
Speaking of personal time… Use your calendar. No really, use it. Two ways: - Timebox things, including personal time to recharge. - — When you’ve got big projects, block out times on the calendar to make progress. Interrupt-driven work is a bad, bad thing, and can drive you downhill backwards on your way to burnout. - — let your team know you’re going to be offline, or on do not disturb, etc. for a little while, and unless something’s actively on fire and only you can put it out, you aren’t to be disturbed. chances are, everything will be just fine… and even if it’s not, they can likely handle it, remember? 40
Speaking of keeping things on the calendar so you can’t skip them… Vacation. Plan for it. Plan ahead for it. Have a vacation on the calendar at all times, even if it’s just a long weekend. Give yourself something to look forward to! Which reminds me… when you’re on vacation, Be. On. Vacation. Set your slack name and username to include PTO or OOO next to them so that people know you won’t be getting back to them for a while, and then turn the notifications off on your phone. Put up your work away message (and your personal one, if necessary!) and again, turn off the notifications on your phone. Don’t bring your laptop with you unless it’s to watch movies or netflix, etc., and if that’s the case, shut down any and all work-related programs before leaving on vacation. Now some people may say “I don’t have time for vacation!” or “I’ll plan a nice big vacation when I have time”… but when will we ever have time? At a previous company, where we had unlimited vacation (which can actually be managed well and implemented for the right reasons, but that’s a whole other conversation)… My boss’s manager once told him, “look, if you don’t have the time to plan a vacation, give me your budget and any absolute “can’t fly” dates, and I’ll book it for you.” That’s a good manager! Referring back to Overwhelmed, which I mentioned earlier… One of the things that the author realized is that planning for leisure time takes effort! Here’s a quote: 41
At the very least, we all have 4 hours every two weeks that we can take out of our normal workday to take a step back, see the forest as well as the trees, and decompress. 42
Don’t believe me? I don’t blame you! But lemme ‘splain. 43
First of all, keep in mind that I’m one of you. I fully understand how busy you all are, and how hard it is to get everything done every week. But one of my good friends, J Paul Reed, came to me a while back with this idea of a 4 Hour Decompress – a time to reflect, evaluate, and re-center our goals and ideas before tackling another work week. And here’s the thing… it’s only 4 hours every two weeks. 4 hours out of 80. 4 hours that will make you stronger, more effective, more efficient, and more motivated to do your work on a regular basis. It can also lead to great ideas of how to lead and grow your community as you take the time to step back and see the forest as well as the trees. 44
So here’s what it involves: - Find a place where you can relax, get comfortable, spread out, and dig in. Whether that’s a coffee shop, the library, a hiking trail, the pool, etc. Find that spot - During the first hour, delierately disconnect from your normal day-to-day work. If you need to wrap up a few things before you can completely disconnect, cool, go ahead and do those. If you need to spread out your equipment, cool. Whatever you need to do in order to disconnect. I usually wrap up a few things and then go for a run or a nice walk with Ember to get my brain off of work things. - During the 2nd and 3rd hours, find something that is constructive and helpful, but allows you to stay disconnected from your everyday work. For me, sometimes, this is digging into more lessons on codecademy, sometimes it’s reading the latest business/work-related book I’ve picked up, or whiteboarding the latest topic I’ve been looking into - As you wind down from the above activities, the last hour brings it all back together. I usually journal a little bit about what I read or learned, how I’m feeling about work, or my burnout status; make a list of things I want to tackle when I’m back in the office; and then wind back down and start packing up. 45
Next… When you’re sick… BE. SICK! I’ll be honest… I’d bad at this one! But seriously… take advantage of sick days / personal days / whatever your call it at your company. Use it. And stay offline. Don’t simply work from home! You’ll be amazed at how much more quickly you heal. 46
Along those same lines… when you’re needing mental care, get it. Mentall illness, depression, anxiety… All of these things are NORMAL, and important, and a medical condition just like a broken hand or an infection. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. Get help! Start by taking a look at your company insurance policy. Many insurance policies allow for a small number of psychologist or psychiatrist visits at no charge. No charge! What do you have to lose? A former colleague of mine told me once that he went to a different psychologist every year for the 4 free visits that were allowed under our insurance company, if for no other reason than to have someone to yell at, cry with, and word-vomit over who wouldn’t care what he said or tell anyone that he sounded crazy – frankly, they were getting paid to listen to him! It allowed him to sort some things out in his head, keep tabs on how he was handling situations on a day-to-day basis, and get feedback from a neutral 3rd party. 47
Find your own communities, and do what you can to invest in that community! I know it might come as a surprise to you, but Meetup has more than just tech talks… ;) It can be used for hobbies that you’re interested in, and to connect with people in your city outside of tech. 48
Also, find places that connect with you. Where you can be at peace. Where you can be still. Where your brain can unwind and you don’t have to think too hard about anything. The places that allow you to take a break. For me? When I’m home, that’s the ocean. When I’m on the road, it’s a park or exploring new parts of a city. Find those places both at home and on the road so that you know where to go when you need a few moments of peace. 49
So who am I to be saying all of these things? Like I said, I’m not a doctor. I’m not a medical professional. I haven’t studied psychology or psychiatry or any other sort of – ology or –iatry. But I do know what I’m talking about to a certain extent. About two years ago… I burned out really hard. I’m better now, but it took a long time. Part of the reason it took me as long as it did to recover was because I didn’t do those things. I didn’t take care of myself. I didn’t reach out to my community. I was scared about the repercussions and I was terrified of the perception, but that only served to hurt me more. 50
These days, I’m lucky enough to have a community, both personal and professional, who I know will look out for me and check in on me. And I use the phrase “lucky enough”, but it didn’t come from luck… it came from working hard at it. And I have to continually work hard at it! But it’s worth it. 51
Take a moment and look around you. Everyone in this room understands the situation you’re in. Everyone understands just how pressing and stressful our jobs can be. Everyone understands what it’s like to need time to yourself, and need a community to rally around you. This is your community. These are your people, whether you know them yet or not. Draw close to these people and learn to rely on them when you feel like no one understands what you’re going through. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, or admit that you aren’t ok, or depend on others to keep you going for a while. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. 52
Take a moment and look around you. Everyone in this room understands the situation you’re in. Everyone understands just how pressing and stressful our jobs can be. Everyone understands what it’s like to need time to yourself, and need a community to rally around you. This is your community. These are your people, whether you know them yet or not. Draw close to these people and learn to rely on them when you feel like no one understands what you’re going through. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, or admit that you aren’t ok, or depend on others to keep you going for a while. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. 53
Take a moment and look around you. Everyone in this room understands the situation you’re in. Everyone understands just how pressing and stressful our jobs can be. Everyone understands what it’s like to need time to yourself, and need a community to rally around you. This is your community. These are your people, whether you know them yet or not. Draw close to these people and learn to rely on them when you feel like no one understands what you’re going through. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, or admit that you aren’t ok, or depend on others to keep you going for a while. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. 54
I love this slide, because I can’t count the number of times I’ve received virtual hugs when I’ve needed them most. Even though we don’t all live near each other, we’ve got each other online. You’ve got people at your fingertips at almost any time of the day who would be more than happy to talk you through things and empathize with where you’re at. Don’t underestimate the value of this! 55
Lastly, don’t underestimate the value of YOU. We are valuable. We are important. We are influential. And we are worth taking care of. Quoting one more time from Overwhelmed, Brigit finds herself talking to Danish women, who seemingly have all the time in the world for leisure, and feel no guilt about it, but also manage to get things done in a timely fashion. The woman that she’s speaking with says, “Having leisure time for myself isn’t something we even have to discuss. It’s just natural.” Bridgit replies, “And you don’t feel guilty? Selfish? That you’re neglecting your children? Worried about the to-do list?” The women give me a blank look. “I think Danish women,” Soren finally says, “perhaps know their worth.” <pause> We need to know our worth, and understand that we are worth taking care of. 56
So I’ve talked through who I am and why I’m here today – my journey with diabetes and Ember, as well as my struggle with burnout. 57
We’ve talked about you – some of the numbers around depression and burnout in people in tech, as well as some of the specifics of what causes burnout. We’ve also touched on a few ways that managers can help keep an eye on their teams. 58
And we’ve talked about what to do about burnout… both how to prevent it and how to slowly recover from it. And it is a slow recovery! I’m probably at 70% these days, and that means some days are awesomely productive, every once in a while, one is horriflcly bad, and most days, they’re somewhere in the middle. But most importantly, I know that it’s real. I know that I don’t need to be ashamed of it. And I know I have a community to help me. 59
I’m going to close with this quote from an article in Community Round Table, called “The Dark Side of Community Management,” which I believe also applies here. Passion (our jobs, our open source projects) is what drives you and gives your life meaning. Obsession is what happens when you’re fixated on something, forsaking all the rest. Understand the difference between passion and obsession to change your thoughts and actions. Find balance by cultivating other interests offline. So today, let’s be awesome. Let’s be incredible. Let’s be passionate… but let’s be balanced. 60
Thank you! 61
We’re told on a regular basis to monitor the performance, speed, responsiveness, memory, and general health of our websites, with the ever-present threat of down time hanging over our shoulder. But how often do we pay this same attention to our own physical and mental health?
As a Type 1 Diabetic, it’s a little more front-of-mind, as it’s not just about how much exercise I’ve gotten in the last month, how healthy my diet is, or how much of a workaholic I am… It’s about what the ratio of sugar to insulin is in my bloodstream at every moment of every day. It’s about making sure I’ve got a spare insulin pod, my test machine, a granola bar, glucose tabs, and my trusty sidekick Ember Dog (with all of his accouterment) at all times.
But just because I have to be more aware of certain things doesn’t lessen the importance of paying attention to general physical and mental health, which come with their own set of potentially deadly side effects. In this Ignite talk, I’ll touch briefly on my day-to-day life with diabetes, and then segue into what the past two years have taught me about mental and physical health.
for free. You
can too.